It is undeniable that our parents’ relationship affects the way we view love and romance. Our parents are a model for everything in our everyday life. They are constantly watching and learning; the doctrine of their parent’s life is brainwashing their subconscious minds. Parents become teachers of every aspect of everyday life, and yes, this includes romantic relationships. It is suspected that an individual will look for their parents in their future partner, as love is associated with those similar qualities. A girl whose father is in the army will look for a soldier to marry, and a man raised by a single mother will probably look for an alpha female. The traits associated with our parents’ relationship attract us to our future partner. The question is: Is your relationship Christ-centred so your children can develop an expectation of a healthy relationship?
If a relationship is abusive, the children will believe that love is shown in toxicity. This is one of the reasons why most people stay in abusive relationships because their parents have normalized it. The same goes for anger and tantrums. They have been taught to carry that behaviour in the name of love. Relationships with a plethora of conflict and arguments are most likely to raise people who cause conflict because they believe it must be present in their relationship. Some people start arguments for nothing because they feel their relationship needs more drama. After all, it has been normalized in their subconscious minds.
However, when it comes to broken relationships where divorce occurs, the children who experience this have much less trust in others, resulting in them having no interest in relationships or commitment to marriage. They feel they don’t need to get their fingers burnt, so they move from one relationship to another, doing what they can to break up and, in doing so, believe the very lie that reverberates in their subconscious minds
Now, this doesn’t mean that your relationship with your spouse will be defaulted to ruin because of your parents. This is why premarital counseling uncovers hidden defects that must be addressed and corrected. Some will have to face correction, and some will need to receive healing. The importance of couples counseling cannot be stressed enough. If your partner refuses to attend godly counseling, that is a red flag already. The question arises then, what are they hiding?
One must always remember that sin brings generational curses, but obedience brings generational mantles. Therefore one should make sure that Christ is at the centre of their relationship so that they can break the chains of the past. Not many see this, though. Many want it to be different from their parents’ relationship but never do anything different. And unfortunately, they end up having a relationship that is just like the one they feared in the first place.
Love is a person, and He is seldom invited into relationships, which is why many of them fail. The Bible has its commands about love; when we obey them, we will find a relationship that lasts, a love without trauma, and a marriage filled with purpose.