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Love & Beyond…

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I have spent many years studying the art of love and one must gain a broad perspective by observing relationships. You would find the ones that are bad and the ones that are good. From a boy demanding from his girlfriend about her whereabouts with foul language to couples who are slapped in the face by the reality of marriage. I have discovered that idealism is an illusion we create in our minds of the perfect person or perfect marriage that doesn't exist in the real world. Whatever Hollywood has shoved down our throats hasn't helped relationships in the least. All it has done is created unimaginable expectations that turn into disappointment.

The bottomline is that relationships and marriages are hard work and it takes effort to preserve. One would require extreme perseverance to work things out for the sake of love. Of course, a relationship is enjoyable when the two individuals work together to stay together. But not all relationships are like this. Most relationships are held together because one has to keep one end of the bargain. They want it their way or no way at all. In these cases, the other party is always afraid of losing their significant other and this causes compromises to their happiness for the illusion of such a notion.

The deception that marriage is a bed of roses has caught many in a trap of unhappy relationships. And many seek divorce as a way out, only to keep on the search of this unreal expectation. They are never happy no matter who they are with. We are told to keep away from red flags which is a good thing to do if you seek a healthy relationship. However, many have arguments with their spouse because of pet peeves. In this area of marriage, one would require a great deal of tolerance and patience, which is exactly what love is made of.

Honestly speaking, how many of the arguments between husband and wife are over petty issues? It is evident that many have had their marriages tossed on the rocks because of futile reasons. Tolerance is key, and this is required from both parties. If one person is always trying to save the relationship, that one person will be the most miserable while the other is having all the fun. This is not an equal relationship but a tyrannical one. In most cases, the women are the ones who yield to the husband because they are told to submit. Come to think of it, the Bible made that command so that there would be peace in a relationship otherwise you would have two driving forces going into two different directions, or crashing into each other.

If couples do fight and yes they will, they should do it in a respectful and loving way. Anger is a waste of energy even if it's evidence of how much you love that person. Most couples are on the same page yet argue because they are not trying to understand each other. Others, were never on the same page to start with but that doesn't mean things could never work. It would only mean more effort is required for love to reign in that relationship.

Lets look at Matthew 19:9-10
"I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”

Now it's quite strange that the Bible would say this which is an opinion of the disciples. People are headstrong and they want things their way. Once you marry, you can't change your partner no matter how annoying they can be. And unfortunately, most people look elsewhere for solutions when their marriage is going through trouble.

As mentioned before, disagreements are bound to come. When you are having a fight, your spouse may be the hardest person to talk to at the time because it's difficult to be hurt by the person who loves you. But one thing you must never do is tell others about the problems you have with your spouse. You can't base your current emotions and events on your entire relationship. That person you confide in will always have that view of your relationship no matter how happy you may become. That person may spread that gossip to others and your marriage may be used as a bad example to others.

If someone has red flags, it must be addressed. Don't be blinded by the illusion that they will change as time goes by. Red flags fester and become worse, and since it was accepted in the beginning it will be harder to get rid off in the end. And in most cases, it is always the end that causes the pain. If a partner has a red flag, they must be confronted now rather than in marriage. If they are willing to change, you should help them in the process. If not, then it's time to say goodbye. In most cases, the partner is too afraid of being alone or what people may say to terminate the relationship which leaves them bound in a relationship they are never happy in. And that will always be a tragedy.

So, in my understanding and learning of relationships in these limited years of mine, I have found that love, as beautiful it may be, can sometimes be a bit too messy. It's not a rose blossoming in a pristine garden but a cactus thriving in the torrid desert, ever willing to give off its life giving elixir. Relationships are never perfect no matter how much you romanticize, however, I can promise you this, it is worth every moment of every breath you could ever take...